i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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