I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
