I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
