So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I've blown a few things in my day
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
