It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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