so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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