My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
