thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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