I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
