You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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