It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
