YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
The Olympian is in my bed
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