We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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