there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
