We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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