i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
