Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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