I got chris browned last night
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize