Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Randomize
