I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Let's paint friendship bongs
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I forget how to act sober
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
