Non-Jews are for practice
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
