i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
