yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
