Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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