He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
