Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
