So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize