And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
