Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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