Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
