so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
