I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
