11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
