God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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