belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize