Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
