im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I just had sex on a roof
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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