it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
You are the jesus of drinking
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
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