my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
