Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
