why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
