y did u give ur computer a hand job?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
