No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize
