Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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