I like my sex mixed with concussions.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
