I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
