Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
