Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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