Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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