The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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