his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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