margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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