Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
