If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
