I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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