the condom got lost in my hair
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
