Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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