i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
