I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize