This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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