so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Randomize
