alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
