You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
