all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I am one with the molecules
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
