She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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