he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
