did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
