I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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