Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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