I think i peed on brittanys purse
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
