the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
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