Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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