At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Randomize