something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
