Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
