why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
