Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize