i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
