i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
