Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
