kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
