just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize