If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
