we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
