The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
