Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
