Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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