would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
