I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
