The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Randomize
