My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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