I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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