that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
