Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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