someone threw a dead crab at me
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
