Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
this beer tastes like vomit already
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
