Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Randomize