maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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