My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
