Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
