tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
is it fun? or sober?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
