Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
