Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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