So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
