It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
At least make sure they are 18
Why
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
