I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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