I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
