I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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