I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
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