too bad you live with your parents still
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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