Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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