both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
