We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
