My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
