i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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