so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
